- Me: ugh, my rib hurts.
- Friend: I'll be your rib.
- Me: whAT???
My friend needed to go to the bank so we went inside and before I could even sit down a banker went, “do you nEED HELP?” like he hasn’t interacted with another human being all day
The life of a banker must be thrilling
Update: same guy proceeded to ask his nonwhite coworkers if they were brothers
3 bankers have now tried to help me
I just want to sit and wait
I just found pepper spray in my mums hand bag and I turned it towards my face and thought, “is this… Is this pepper spray?” And if my brain had activated just a second later I would have maced myself
I had a dream last night that pitbull bit me and I became a wererapper all because he wanted a female rapper to feature in some of his songs